Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Sandwich bread!

At last! Glory be! I've found a sandwich bread recipe TM will eat! I'm so so so excited, you have no idea. It's worked 3-4 times now, so we're good to go!




It's modified slightly from http://www.landolakes.com/recipe/3074/sandwich-bread-gluten-free-recipe

I tried the recipe in Gluten Free Baking Classics multiple times, adding extra flour, rising it super-slowly, or twice, or not at all...it always fell a little, and turned dry at the drop of a hat, and TM never liked it. I even got a kitchen scale so I could weigh the flours. Well, maybe she liked it once, right out of the oven. I think I tried it about 15 times. FAIL.

But when I found the Land-o-Lakes recipe, hooray, it actually worked!! I've adjusted it by using canola oil instead of butter, and I'm very sloppy on the starches. I re-calculated measurements based on weights listed in The Allergen-Free Cook Bakes Bread so I could get the amounts right. And I added a little more milk (almond milk).

1C +2T warm almond milk
1/4 C sugar (don't skimp...it needs this much)
2 1/4 tsp active dry yeast
2 1/2 C gluten free flour blend (see below) = 403g
1 tsp salt
1/4 C canola oil
2 large eggs

From Land-o-Lakes:
Combine milk, sugar and yeast in small bowl; set aside 10 minutes. 

Combine flour blend and salt in large stand mixer bowl; beat with stand mixer on low speed, gradually adding yeast mixture until well combined. Add
[oil] and eggs; beat, scraping bowl occasionally, until well mixed. Increase speed to high; beat until batter is very smooth (about 3 minutes). 

Cover, let rise in warm place 1 hour. 

Grease 8x4-inch loaf pan [Or use parchment paper folded into the pan, it's awesome]. Stir dough; pour into pan, leveling top. Loosely cover with greased plastic food wrap; let rise until just above top edge of pan (20 to 30 minutes). 

Meanwhile, heat oven to 350°F. Bake for 42 to 50 minutes or until top is golden brown. Remove bread from pan; cool completely on wire rack. 

Gluten-Free Flour Blend: To make flour blend, combine 2 cups rice flour = 316g, 2/3 cup potato starch =128g, 1/3 cup tapioca flour =40g and 1 teaspoon xanthan gum. So basically 168g starch...I just dump in whatever I have on hand. Lately it's been cornstarch and tapioca starch. Use appropriate amount for recipe; store remainder in container with tight-fitting lid. Stir before using.

Monday, July 15, 2013

Pancakes and waffles

Something happened lately and everything I cooked, especially my fail-safe pancakes, was gummy and gross. Maybe it was because I was trying to substitute for eggs using flax seed, and baking soda/lemon juice for baking powder since TM and Q don't like the taste of baking powder.

Talking to my brother, I finally got it right! He suggested using yeast, so I did, and I also used an egg, and they were great! I think I'm done substituting. I have the worst time finding egg substitutes.

Here's the recipe I used:
125g flour mix (316g rice flour, 168g starch...I ended up using cornstarch this time)
1T sugar
1 1/2 tsp yeast
3/4C water
1 egg

It's adapted from this recipe. I tried a similar recipe to one from Annalise Roberts's cookbook but TM and Q said it was bitter. Probably because I didn't do what one of my friends did...I didn't add lemon.

I think I'll try adding lemon to it next time anyway, even with yeast.

I've tried cutting out eggs and it doesn't really work if using GF flour, not for me. I'll try it with yeast sometime...see if I can cut out eggs if I use yeast....

WAFFLES
Yes indeed! I love waffles. But TM doesn't. At least, not 'till now! I used a yeast recipe and substituted canola oil for butter, and simply left out the 1/4 tsp baking soda. She's actually asked for these waffles! Oh, hooray! I made them with whipped coconut cream on top of semi-frozen berries, and yum yum yum it was scrumptious. I'll put pictures in the next time I make them :D.

Next Monday (pasta night), I'm going to make my own pasta! How exciting! Thanks, Brian!

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Fryums

I've made these before to great success, but today I made rice fryums with once-ground rice flour and a mix of canola/coconut oil. Usually I double-grind my rice flour. I also added coconut oil to the frying oil (usually canola), thinking that it would raise the smoke point for the frying oil -- my canola oil starts to smoke when I'm frying these guys.

The fryums were hard, not delicately crunchy like usual, and they didn't expand as much. Was it the oil or the flour???? I dumped out the oil and fried another batch in straight canola, like usual. And they turned out fine. PHEW! 'Cause I'd made a double-batch.

I'm using this recipe: http://www.4thsensecooking.com/2012/09/rice-flour-fryums-vadaam-odiyalu.html
But mine don't come out as nicely as hers. Maybe I need to add more water... Still, my kids like them, which is great!


Here's the batter

Here they are on a drying rack for
my dehydrator

Here they are dried and ready to fry


And here they are fried. Yay!


Friday, June 21, 2013

Oopsies

Oopsies!

I tried making these http://yourlighterside.com/2009/05/gluten-free-low-carb-buns-aka-oopsie-rolls/

But with tahini instead of cream cheese to make them gluten free. I think they turned out okay. I don't know if TM will like them or not. Will they last in her lunch as a sandwich or will they turn mushy? They're airy like meringues and I doubt their stability.....


The verdict is out -- TM doesn't like them. Neither does Q. So yet another fast and easy recipe is gonzo for me.

Friday, June 14, 2013

Do you ever use your education?

2016 update (because this is one of my most popular posts): I just found out about opt-out moms! Highly educated women who decide to stay home for awhile with their kids. I think I fit the profile pretty well. And after reading an article in the New York Times that says I'm in about 1% of moms who are highly educated and well-off financially who decide to stay at home, I understand better why people would wonder what in the world I'm doing. There aren't many of us. And most of us plan on going back to work, and most of us do. I've started working very part-time myself. At the same time, I'm SO happy that I can deal with my kids' sicknesses, teacher development days, and extracurricular activities without missing grant deadlines or going insane from lack of sleep.

2015 update: It's two years later and I have a couple updates for this -- I've given several Botany presentations to my girls' classes at school, and I'm really excited about joining Girl Guides next year as a leader. I plan on doing at least a few science projects with them! I also wrote a blog about development in our area from an ecological point of view. I'm a member of our neighborhood stewardship organization that helps guide city planning (though I don't go to meetings). And finally, I really enjoy answering people's questions -- usually parents at my kids' school, and usually about GMOs. It's great fun!

Here's the original post, and it's one of my most popular posts.

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I got asked something like this a few months ago, “If you’re just a stay-at home mom, do you ever use your education?” It made me want to write down some of the ways in which I do indeed use my extensive education, even though I'm "just" a stay-at-home mom. Avoiding the several snarky comebacks that come to mind...

Here’s a list of some of the ways I use my PhD in Evolutionary Biology and Plant Genetics:

Personal enjoyment. I get an immense feeling of accomplishment knowing I finished what I started. I dreamed of being a scientist from the time I was in elementary school. Some people spend thousands of dollars on cars, houses, and vacations. I spent my money on education, and I love it.

Answering questions. I am a font of instant information for anyone wanting to know more about evolution, plant breeding, and population genetics. I’m ready and waiting to explain anything anyone asks me.  What a benefit to society, to have highly trained people living next door to you (or on social media or whatever) ready to explain controversial topics like GMOs, ancient human migration patterns, evolution, and so on. I'll also ramble on about things like ecology, native plants, green roofs, population genetics, molecular markers, and so on, if I think I have an interested audience.

Continuing contributions to academic publications. My progress may be slow compared to full-time researchers, but I take my responsibilities as a scientist seriously. I feel it is my duty to make the data I've collected public, and I will keep publishing until I run out of datasets. After that, I’ll beg datasets from people who don’t have time to write them up.

Job security. When I re-enter the workforce, I’ll probably be able to find a job I like.

Editor. I’m a valuable, convenient resource for my family, especially my husband, if they need proof-reading or editing of important emails, resumes, cover letters, etc.

Researcher. I've plowed through thousands of scientific articles, so I am very familiar with scientific jargon. I can (and have) found answers to many kinds of science questions quickly and accurately. This is especially helpful when looking for medical answers, such as which drugs or herbs have bad side effects or interactions. I can also tease out what is not written or claimed by a particular paper, since that is often just as important as what is written down.

Critical analysis. Because my scientific writings and analyses have been critiqued hundreds of times, and because I’ve had to critique other works just as often, I’m very good at identifying drawbacks or caveats in arguments. I've been using this lately to identify potential contamination sources in processed foods, oddly enough. Critical analysis doesn’t often appeal to my children when I’m intent on proving the importance of what I need them to do. I find my 7 year old daughter learns well from example – she’s getting quite good at finding logical fallacies, to my occasional dismay.

I’m constantly surprised by how little we know. That same 7 year old asks questions incessantly, and I’m shocked to find that even with all my education, there is always (yes, always!) at least some part of the answer that I don’t know. If she asks a simple question, like, “Can I get a blue rose?” there are many different reasons she [probably] can’t, and sometimes they’re complicated, and then I start remembering something I read about bird feathers reflecting light and how there are few true blue pigments in nature and on and on and on and on…

Learning to learn. This is one of the most valuable things I gained from my education – the absolute knowledge that I can learn anything so long as I’m willing to put in the time. My current goals are to learn music theory, jazz piano, Tamil, Hindi, Arabic, and computer programming.

Learning how to cook for people with allergies. My older daughter can’t eat dairy or gluten products. My long hours and many mistakes in the laboratory have taught me not to be afraid of failure. When something doesn’t work, I change it and try again. Ad nauseam.

Converting units. All my experience in the lab means I'm really good at converting units. With a conversion factor and a pencil and paper I can convert anything into anything else (units, not animals). At home it's liters to gallons and ml to tsp and things like that.

Anything is possible. When my daughter asks if she can go to the moon or be an entomologist or a pop star, I can honestly tell her that it’s certainly possible. It just depends on how hard (and smart) you’re willing to work. I’ve done something that I thought was almost impossible, so I have no fear in telling her that the only limits are [usually?] the ones she creates.

Educational counseling. I’ve had friends talk to me about wanting to go back to school. My long experiences in academia enable me to give them a clear picture of the sacrifices required, as well as the potential benefits (or drawbacks) to various fields of study.

Computer savvy. Long hours learning new programs and troubleshooting PC and Mac computers means I'm pretty good at fixing computers. No, I can't program much yet, but I can replace my iMac hard drive, which is pretty cool.

Questions questions questions. My mind is constantly occupied. I’m rarely actually bored. My PhD advisor let me choose any question to answer provided I could come up with a research project to do it. I wrote a proposal and received a large grant to complete the research. That honed my natural curiosity more than anything else in my life. I’m always asking questions. It’s very entertaining.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Cooking is a lot like labwork (almond cookies, chocolate pudding, mini hash browns)

You labfolk will agree that cooking can be just like labwork, except the laboratory notebook is not critical in the kitchen. As I find more time to play with food, I'm realizing that I need to include negative controls for my nut yogurt experiments. I had the great idea this morning of starting to approach my cooking experiments more like lab experiments, and I'm really excited! It probably won't materialize for a little while, but it's a good thought.

I just ordered a vegan yogurt cookbook and a new gluten-free baking book, so those will be on my experiment list once they get here. I have to find a sandwich bread Maya likes, and how to make nondairy cheese.

Since I plan on posting many failures, today I wanted to share some recent successes:

Almond meal and coconut cookies! BOTH TM and Q like these! Miraculous.

July 13, 2013 update: I've tried these so many various ways now. Originally, I used almond meal left over from making almond milk. That's labor intensive, and no-one likes the almond milk I make. So I tried just soaking the almonds and grinding them and using that. It had too much of a (unnoticable to me) bitter taste and no-one ate them. So it's back to extracting the water from soaked almonds. I'm guessing that some bitter compounds end up in the aqueous extract...

Chocolate pudding (dairy and egg free) using my homemade almond milk left over from making almond meal for the cookies. I didn't cook it long enough and it's too rich for TM. I've eaten half the batch already. Yikes. Pretty creamy.



AND...little mini-hash browns. I've only recently discovered hash browns, believe it or not. I baked the potatoes a few days ago, then shredded them this morning, added salt and pepper, and fried them! I know, I know, everyone but me knows how to make them. I'm just happy that both TM and CH like them! Yay!

Monday, June 10, 2013

Mom's thoughts on music

My mom wrote up what I think is a really cool look at Christian scriptures and the importance of singing. I asked if I could post it and she said I could! If you're interested in hearing actual starsongs, click on the link at the end of the post.

I thought today was going to be Father’s Day so I was thinking about my father this week.  He was a professional singer with a beautiful baritone voice.  That led me to researching about singing in the scriptures, and I discovered some interesting things.

After God parted the Red Sea, and after Pharoah’s army drowned when the sea went back , and the Israelites were safe on the other side, their leader, Moses, sang.  One of the first things he did was sing.  The song he sang is written down in Exodus 15.    
    
   “I will sing unto the Lord, for he hath triumphed gloriously; the horse and his rider hath he thrown into the sea.  The Lord is my strength and song, and he is become my salvation, etc.”

Forty years later, after going through the wilderness camping and complaining, the Israelites had reached the Promised Land.  Moses was pretty old by now.  God called him into the tabernacle to talk to him about the future.  He told him that the Israelites, once they got around the unbelievers, would fall away and begin to worship idols and forget all the lessons they had been taught in the wilderness.  He said it was inevitable, but he (and this is Jehovah we are speaking of) gave Moses another song.  This is in Deuteronomy 32, the whole chapter. 

Verse 10 of the song talks about the last 40 years –

    “He found him (meaning the Israelites) in a desert land, and in the waste howling wilderness; he led him about, he instructed him, he kept him as the apple of his eye.”

Did you ever wonder where that expression came from?  It’s something like 4000 years old or more, and it came from God. 

Jehovah told Moses to teach the song to all the people and he told him why.  So Moses did.  And he repeated what Jehovah had told him was going to happen.

“I know that after my death ye will utterly corrupt yourselves and turn aside from the way which I have commanded you; and evil will befall you.  So God has commanded that you memorize this song and teach it to your children  so that even when you all became wicked and sinful, this song will remain in their hearts to remind them of God.” 

And so Moses taught them, it’s a long song, but back then the people were an oral culture so memorizing wasn’t as hard for them as it is for us.

Moses sang.  He set the tone way back then for the importance music has in the Jewish and Christian faiths.  We are people who sing in praise, in joy, in sorrow. 

That same Jehovah, obeying God the Father, created the earth.  Remember that because I’m coming back to it.  First, though, there’s a conversation between Jehovah and a good man named Job.

Job had gone through some tremendously troubled times that would daunt any of us, and his friends were sitting around lecturing him about how he wasn’t faithful enough and, well, he didn’t know God well enough, etc. etc.  Finally God, Jehovah, got fed up and in chapter 38 had his say.  This is only 4 chapters from the end, so it’s God having the final word. 

Basically, he tells these men, “Who are you, speaking all these words and knowing nothing?  Where were you when I laid the earth’s cornerstone . . .  while the morning stars sang together and all the sons of God shouted for joy?”

Well, Job and his friends were probably there, as were we all, but maybe he wasn’t paying attention.

God goes on with a pretty funny put down of them all, using a good amount of sarcasm that’s well worth reading (chapter 38), but the relevant thing for us right now is that the morning stars sang together and all the sons of God shouted for joy.

These days, most Americans, even us out here, don’t see the stars.  Street lights and city lights wipe the heavens clean or else we’re inside our houses at night.  But back then, in Job’s time, the stars on a night with a new moon would come right down to the horizon, 360 degrees of a sea of starlight! 

Could those stars really sing?  Hold onto that question.

When Jesus, this same Jehovah who told Moses to sing, was born, a heavenly choir sang for him.   Even before then, Jesus’s mother sang to him while he was still in her womb.  It’s something we women do.  And not just people --

A friend of mine, Susie, lives in a gentler climate and has two finch couples nesting outside her back door in separate trees.  At least one of the couples has nested there before, so they are used to her spying on them as long as she doesn’t get too nosy.  Well, this year Susie heard the mama bird murmuring soft little lullabies to her four tiny eggs (which have now hatched).  The mother and sometimes the father birds sit on the eggs singing quietly, and when the eggs hatch, the babies know their voices from all the hundreds of other finches around. 

It reminds me of the verse where Jesus says, “My sheep know my voice.”

So Jesus was born into a Jewish family that sang the songs of Moses and David and other Psalmists because that’s what Jewish families do.  As he grew and learned, the songs grew in meaning for him.  They might even have seemed familiar to him since, as Jehovah, he was the one who either wrote them or inspired others to write them. 

Some thirty years after his birth, when Jesus knew the end was near, he gathered his disciples to Jerusalem to have one last meal with them and teach them for the last time.  This was Passover, a ritualistic meal going back to Moses’s time when the destroying angel passed over the houses of the Israelites before they left Egypt.  It was and is celebrated by practically everyone in Jerusalem. 

During and after this meal, there are specific Psalms to be sung, called the hallel.  It’s Psalms 113-118, with the most important one being 116 which is generally sung by the leader of the feast.  At this Passover meal, that leader was Christ himself, the same one who had inspired the writer of the Psalms to put these exact words down.

Picture the scene.  His closest and dearest friends are gathered around.  They have eaten their meal, heard some amazing teaching about the gospel and about his coming death, and understood little. Everything he has done throughout his life has been for the glory of God, not himself, and he knows what will happen later that night, so he sings this psalm 116–

“I love the Lord, because he hath heard my voice and my supplications.
Because he hath inclined his ear unto me, therefore will I call upon him as long as I live.
Then called I upon the name of the Lord; O Lord, I beseech thee, deliver my soul.
Gracious is the Lord, and righteous; yeah, our God is merciful.
The Lord preserveth the simple; I was brought low, and he helped me.
Return unto thy rest, O my soul; for the Lord hath dealt bountifully with thee.
For thou hast delivered my soul from death, mine eyes from tears, and my feet from falling.
I will walk before the Lord in the land of the living.
What shall I render until the Lord for all his benefits toward me?
I will take the cup of salvation, and call upon the name of the Lord.
I will pay my vows unto the Lord now in the presence of all his people.
Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints.
O Lord, truly I am thy servant; I am thy servant, and the son of thine handmaid; thou hast loosed my bonds.
I will offer to thee the sacrifice of thanksgiving, and will call upon the name of the Lord.
I will pay my vows unto the Lord now in the presence of all his people.
In the courts of the Lord’s house, in the midst of thee, O Jerusalem.  Praise ye the Lord.”
-----------------------
And then he and the twelve friends walked through the dark night, lighted by stars, to the Garden of Gethsemane.

Do you think Jesus had a fabulous voice like Pavarotti?  It is written that he was an ordinary looking man, so maybe he had an ordinary voice.  But he sang with unequaled understanding and feeling. 

Remember how the book of Genesis recounts the Creation story?  Each time something had to be done, Jehovah says “Let there be . . .”  That would take an extraordinary voice.

A voice is sound, and sound is a wave pattern.  Deep sounds have a longer distance between the hills and valleys, while high sounds have short distances.

Light is also a wave, but it’s in a spectrum we see in colors rather than hear.  Just because our ears are tuned to the light, doesn’t mean there isn’t sound.  Maybe one morning star wouldn’t have been more than a little “tweet” in the heavens, but all the stars singing together, wow, that would have been something to hear!

This wave thing fills the universe.  Everything in the universe, planets, bugs, us, moves and creates waves, big and tiny.  We, as people, are privileged to be finding out more and more about this.  In 500 BC, the Greeks, well two of them anyway, theorized that all matter was made up of tiny particles they called atoms.  That was good, but it took 2300 years before scientists began to figure out the structure and uses of atoms, and they are still finding out more and more as the poor little atoms are smashed around in huge cyclotrons.

OK, everything moves.  Sound is a wave. and each tone has a different wavelength, with lower sounds having a longer distance between peaks and valleys than higher tones.   Light is also a wave (and a particle but don’t ask).  Colors are waves of light reflected in various spectrums.  Cooler colors (the blues and greens) have a shorter wavelength than warm colors (reds and yellows). 

Earlier I asked if you thought stars could really sing.  They emit light in different colors, and light is a wave.  You find out the wavelength and assign a pitch to it and voila, you have a sound, even music.

How about plants and rocks and mountains and all those inanimate things around us?  Scientists are finding out that plants send out teensy little vibrations to each other in a language we don’t know but which means something to them.  I quote, “Our results show that plants are able to positively influence the growth of seeds by some as yet unknown mechanism.  The research adds to growing evidence that plants “talk” via sound.” 

Vibrations can be sounds if your ear is attuned to them.  We don’t know how a plant hears, but they do.  We don’t know how stars hear, but they do. 

Doctrine and Covenants 128:23 is one of my favorites – “Let the mountains shout for joy, and all ye valleys cry aloud; and all ye seas and dry lands tell the wonders of your Eternal King!  And ye rivers, and brooks, and rills, flow down with gladness.  Let the woods and all the trees of the field praise the Lord; and ye solid rocks weep for joy!  And let the sun, moon, and the morning stars sing together, and let all the sons of God shout for Joy!  And let the eternal creations declare his name forever and ever;”

When we sing together, we all have different voices, some really good like Bro Rochelle and Sis Worland, others not quite so good, but put us all together and we sound wonderful!  Like that choir in verse 23 that I just read.  Mountains sound different from valleys; seas from dry lands; rivers are different from brooks, and under it all the wonderful solid rocks  -- that we think are so solid but are made up of moving atoms -- weep for joy!

Music is more than sound, it is light and is in everything that God created.

Jehovah told Moses to sing, and he sang.  When Jehovah came to earth in human form, he sang, and he knew absolutely, that all Creation was singing.  Everything we see is somehow singing even when we can’t hear it.


If you don’t sing in a way that people consider “good,” it’s OK.  It takes all the tones, for some of us are trees, some rivers, and some rocks.  And every time we sing together we are affirming Psalms 116, just like Jesus did when he sang, “I love the Lord”!
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Addendum:  Later, I was amazed to find this study of the actual music of the stars --  http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/7687286.stm

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Substitutiary Locomotion (cooking experiments)

Today my experiments are: How To Make Gluten/Dairy-Free Muffins Moist
And: Another Almond Cheese Failure

Muffins:
TM has very sensitive taste. She doesn't like quick breads. I think it might be the baking powder. The one I use doesn't have aluminum in it, but it still might be off for her. The last time I made muffins she actually ate them! I mean, like, ate 6-7 of them! Absolutely astounding. I'd substituted soda for powder and balanced the pH using lemon juice to taste. But they were very dry.

I read some suggestions here about how to make them moist. So today I:
Substituted homemade mayo for canola oil
Substituted soda water for almond milk
Added 1tsp pectin
Used baking soda instead of powder; lemon juice for pH

The flour mix I used is 50% washed double-milled basmati flour, 25% millet flour, 25% tapioca starch. I decided not to use more starch this time, though that might make them moist too. I wanted to try these first. But I didn't add 1T coconut flour like I did last time. Oops. And I couldn't find my chocolate chips! Sigh.

Then I ran out of muffin cups, and I have no baking spray, so I used the last of my parchment paper to make liners. They're in the oven! Here's hoping! .................Nope, they're still dry.

GRADE: C-

UPDATE June 15 2013
I think I got it! I used flour with 50% starch (mix of corn and tapioca), used 1/2C mayo and 1/4C oil instead of the listed oil amount, 1T coconut flour, 1tsp baking soda, and 1/4C lemon juice, no baking powder. Yum! Still a tad dry so I'll give it a B+. TM liked it! :)
GRADE: B+


Almond cheese:
Last time, I tried making almond milk, then heating it and coagulating it with lemon juice. I added tons and it didn't separate, so I added vinegar. Then I chilled it a couple days, then drained it. Turned out great! Except that it tastes like vinegar. Sigh.

Yesterday I made almond milk and just left it under a heating pad. It separated but I just got a tiny bit of goo out of it.

GRADE: F
UPDATE: I used lemon juice instead of vinegar. It's a little mealy but other than that, it's passable. I'll use it in lasagne.
GRADE: B

Friday, June 7, 2013

One Year Later: Transition from Postdoc to Full-time Mom

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

It’s been almost exactly a year since I last wrote!  So much has changed since then. I might just use this post to describe my change from Postdoc Mom to simply Working Mom.

When CH was immobile, I could bring her with me to work. But as she started standing up, it became impossible. I remember the day I was labeling plants in the growth chamber. I turned away from her for half a second and when I turned back, her hand was in one of the pots. My mind leaped to our probable future: CH happily picking yellow flowers and playing in the dirt. She was happy but my experiment was not.

To rescue my study, I tried out a couple daycares, and both were horrible. I decided that I didn’t want to trust a stranger with my daughter unless someone I knew could be there too. That wasn’t going to happen. At last I asked one of my best friends to babysit on a regular basis, and she agreed, thank goodness. Now CH could play in the dirt while I worked without destroying my small corner of science.

Life was fine until other family demands became unavoidable. TM started getting bullied at school, and she was terrified of her teacher. That’s a story for another post. Her weight also plummeted, in an unrelated issue – the doctors diagnosed her with celiac. At the same time, Q was travelling quite a bit. I started having trouble keeping up my practical child psychology studies, gluten-free and dairy-free cooking experiments, and all my regular house/family duties. I finally dropped my work hours to one day a week, handing my work responsibilities off to various marvelous colleagues at work.

Doom and gloom started following me around. I escaped by flying down to CA to see my folks with the kids and the cat while Q went on an extended trip for work. We had a great time with my family! Sunshine and happiness were my constant companions. We came back with smiles and skipping feet, until we skipped right into two inches of water on the floor of our basement apartment.

Q quickly found a townhouse in a suburb with more space and more sun. We packed up our things as fast as possible, dried what was wet, threw out what was ruined, and left our former lives behind. It was a great way to purge our stuff. Power purging!

It was a huge struggle for me to realize that I couldn’t both work and be a mom. Some people can – I couldn’t. Over the last year, I realized that I’ve always put a high value on being successful in the workforce. I didn’t appreciate the work I did at home, and I always imagined Q not appreciating it, either. It took me months to come to grips with the idea that the work I did at home was valuable. I had to completely change my expectations for myself, expectations that I’d built up since first grade. Luckily I had very supportive friends and family, and my advisor at the university was also extremely supportive, as I gradually understood what I really wanted to focus on.


Now that I’ve updated my blog with my current path in life, hopefully I can use the next to tell you what we’ve been up to lately.